Wednesday, December 23, 2009

The Shopper

Warning: There’s a spoiler in this column. If you’re under the age of five, please stop reading right now. OK, now that we’ve cleared out all the folks from MENSA…

The sad fact is, most kids are disappointed to discover there is no Santa. It’s devastating. No Santa Claus? No big jolly fat guy? I’ve been lied to all these years?

I remember being disappointed, too… but it wasn’t by the fact that there was no weirdo singing Ho Ho Ho on my rooftop. It was because if there was no Santa, I was going to have to start buying presents for other people.

I feigned belief in the big red guy until last year, when I accidentally slipped and thanked my husband for a gift. At this point I realized… the 25 year reprieve on gift-buying was over.

This Christmas was my first year shopping. And you know what I discovered? I love it just about as much as I love regular shopping. Which means there’s only one other thing that takes precedence over my love for this chore: getting my tonsils taken out without anesthetic.

I love the crowds. I love the smells. I love the frantic screaming of employees when they finally lose their minds over one more sale gone bad.

But before you call me a Grinch and accuse me of stealing your Christmas, you should know I do love the actual holiday of Christmas. No sarcasm here. I love the end result of all the effort. I love the fact that when the family’s all together… snuggled up… by the fire… opening gifts… it’s all worth the effort.

It really, really is. But next year I’m asking for some anesthetic.

B.J. Hamrick is a local writer who can be reached at,, or -- unless she’s snuggled up for a long winter’s nap.


Sheila said...

Hahahahaaa! Fantastic!

The Dreamer said...

Anesthetic does help... Lol ;)

Deb said...

Ah, I love it! I know the feeling too. Christmas shopping (especially shipping) can be so difficult. :)


BJ Hamrick said...

Sheila - Thanks so much!

Dreamer - Haha - I hope so!

Deb - Agreed. But next year I'm going online for all my gifts, starting in July :).

I know all about waiting--for the right guy, for high school to end, for my boobs to come in (two out of three ain't bad).

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