Monday, March 17, 2014

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

When the New "Baby" Comes...

We're tired. Just tired.
Don't get me wrong. Blogger has been a faithful friend. But we did some consulting before our newest family member arrives in April... and, it turns out, we really did need to move to Wordpress.

Don't worry. We'll be at Wordpress for at least another six years. So please follow us there!

Sunday, August 26, 2012


This time last year, I was a weight loss expert. I was so good at it, in fact, that I lost ten lbs. in one day.

I would go through childbirth again if it meant I would lose the last ten.

Here's the problem: I'm no longer pregnant, but someone forgot to tell my body. I'm asked on a regular basis when the baby is due. I get judgmental looks from strangers. I listen to people whisper, "Has she never heard of birth control?"

I have to explain that my belly is extra-fluffy because I am recovering from twins. I gave birth to one of them and two days later the second one came... in the form of an email from my agent, stating that I had six months to write a book.

Have you ever tried to lose weight postpartum while sitting on your butt in front of a computer screen?

Me neither. I ate chocolate instead.

Turns out the doctor doesn't take the whole twin thing seriously. I tried to explain that my "kids" are needy, and that between two "newborns" I just don't get much time to myself these days.

He offered to adopt one. Turns out he's willing to take the book now that it's finished, including all the royalties.

He's such a man. He wants all the credit for none of the work.


Bekah Hamrick Martin is a local writer who can be reached at, unless she's working on triplets.

Monday, August 20, 2012

BINGO Was His Name

A cold caught my Tiny Human this week. I give it a couple of days before she chases the cold away, but for now, Elmo and Cheerios are the order of the hour. Every hour. On the hour.

I'm pretty sure if I hear the ABC's song one more time, I might just have to choke on the TIny Human's Cheerios. Because it sounds like the gentlest way to kill myself.

Needless to say, I'm trying to find additional ways to entertain my almost-one-year-old. But what do you do for a person who can't feed herself, can't change herself, and only speaks by barking when the B-I-N-G-O song comes on T.V.?

You buy her a puppy. Because that sounds like it would make life a lot easier right now.

"B-I-N-G-O" must stand for Because I'm No Genius--Oh?

Monday, August 13, 2012

Not a Pinterest Mama pajamas
You know you've been avoiding laundry when the only clean thing is maternity underwear. (They don't do my husband's figure any favors. Just sayin'.)

You can probably tell I'm not a neat freak. Oh, I have the best of intentions. I can make a chore chart with the best of the Pinterest Mamas. The concept looks great all laid out on paper. Until I mop up the spilt formula with it.

Did I just say the word "formula"? Another thing that will probably merit hate-mail from the Pinterest Mamas.

(Yes, I realize breastfeeding is best for a baby's immune system, as well as for mother-child bonding. And congrats for doing it until your child was 7.5 years old. But not everyone wants to or can do it for that long.

So stop asking me in the grocery store how old my child was when she was weaned, because you are not going to like my answer.)

Please don't take this column personally if you're an organized Pinterest Mama. I'm probably just a little jealous that your child was wearing hair bows and tights at the gym daycare while mine was in her footed jammies.

After I saw your tight butt I went home and ate a piece of chocolate cake. Even though it wasn't on my chore chart.

But please don't give up on me. I can be an over-achiever in some aspects. For instance, I've decided to potty-train my 11-month-old.

I wonder how the maternity underwear will fit?

Bekah Hamrick Martin is a local writer who can be reached at, unless she's dodging homemade Pinterest Mama bullets being fired her way after this column.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Do They Sell Drugs for That?

It’s been almost one year since I begged for drugs. One year since I’ve been “clean” (but my house has been anything BUT that…).

Yep, one year
since the Tiny Human announced her early arrival and I announced my incredible discomfort (give me drugs… noooooooooow!).

The T.H. has been early ever since.

She loves mornings. “Just don’t get her up first thing,” the pediatrician says. “Train her to sleep.”

So let me get this straight… I’m supposed to train my child to do something I’ve never been able to do myself?

I come from a family of chronic insomniacs. The T.H. seems to fit right in. So far, the only person being trained is… the parents. We pick her up when she wants it.

Because, I mean, really… when she’s 25, is she going to bury her face in my neck and fall back asleep?

Eee. I hope not. But it has been a year already and she hasn’t figured out how to sleep.

Maybe I should start training her after all. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna need some pain-killer for the noise level, though.

Maybe my “clean” streak is about to end after all…

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Friday, July 27, 2012

The Barking Like Dogs Movement

This kid has been crawling around barking like a dog all week. She learned it at Nana's house, where her "furry cousins" live, while Momma "went pro" at She Speaks last weekend.

While not barking, the Tiny Human has also been dancing to Elmo and being generally low-maintenance.

I think Nana and Opa's house may be called for more often.

Monday, July 23, 2012

She Speaks 2012

This lady has been my rock over the past ten years or so.
It was so great to see her again and soak up the encouragement God just pours through her.

This lady helped me overcome my introvertedness and welcomed me right away.
Talented girl who is going to go far--I just have that feeling about her.

These ladies terrified me. Really. They were somewhat brutal but it was exactly what I needed to push harder. Love every one of them (and the ones who didn't make it into the photo).
This lady was my encourager. She has a heart for teens also and I know God is going to bless that.

So grateful for all the people I met this past weekend, and even more grateful for the way He met me.
I know all about waiting--for the right guy, for high school to end, for my boobs to come in (two out of three ain't bad).

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