My Dear Online Journal,

In two days you will celebrate your 2nd birthday. I have to admit, you were ugly when you were first born. All those yellow jaundiced-looking backgrounds. But it wasn't your fault.

You were my illegitimate child. My little secret. My spawn I told only one of my friends about. But as scandalous secrets seldom keep to themselves, the word spread quickly about you.

Soon all of my friends came to take a gander at you. Kindly and sympathetically, they made comments about how lovely you were. They were, of course, lying through their teeth.

Then the dreadful day came when my family found out about you. I was (I am ashamed to admit) embarrassed about you. But they warmed up to you quickly. Now you're their favorite. Shoot -- hardly anyone wants to hang out with me in person anymore. It's all about you, Web
Journal.

I love you for that. You're so -- unassuming. Honest. Child-like. There were some late nights when you kept me up with your crying and begging to be fed with the only food you know -- words.

And there were times, like a naughty child, when you acted up and got
me in trouble. Times people doubted my sanity for feeding you things I
really shouldn't be feeding you -- words I should have kept to myself.
Words about depression, or spray-on tans, or tripping over my feet.
Embarassing things.

You tell all my secrets. Sometimes I have to slap my hand over your mouth.

All in all, you've grown a lot over the past 2 years. You're better-looking than you were... your jaundice is gone and that's a relief. You've grown from a dependent infant into a romping toddler,
who needs to be hugged often and spanked occasionally.

And so it is with great pride, Web Journal, that I wish you a happy 2nd birthday... and pray with all my heart that you will you will skip the stage of "terrible-twos".

Love,

Your Mother

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This column first ran in September of 2006. Stay tuned for this week's *new* column, coming soon to a screen near you.