Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Pseudo-Mom

My sister has common sense about a lot of things – but who she leaves her kids with is not one of them.

“Are you sure you can handle it?” she asked as I buckled her children into my car.

Could I handle it? Did my own sister seriously just ask if I could handle it?

“Hello,” I said, “My name is B.J. It’s been biologically possible for me to have a child for 15 years now.”

“But two of them…”

“Seriously. How hard can 24 hours be?”

I should have known better than to ask that question. Now I had to prove it. Somehow, some way – I had to show that I was just as capable as my sister. Sure, I’d never watched a two and a four-year-old before. But mentally you could say I was on the same level. I know what kids want:

Food.

The next 24 hours consisted of McDonald’s, Krispy Kreme, Chuck E. Cheese, Dairy Queen, and any restaurant that said children under age five ate free.

When their mother arrived home, the kids and I were sprawled on the couch like belly-up jellyfish.

“Did you miss me?” my sister asked.

Groan.

“Did you have fun with Auntie BJ?”

Groan.

“Did you want to get dinner?”

“Noooooo…”

I blamed it on a stomach bug. You understand. The whole I’m A Good Pseudo-Mom image to keep up. I’m pretty sure my sister fell for it.

Now if I could just figure out how to hide this column from her…

****
B.J. Hamrick is a local writer who can be reached at writebrained@gmail.com, www.bjhamrick.com, or www.twitter.com/bjhamrick -- unless she’s burning every newspaper
within a five-mile radius of her sister’s house.

6 comments:

Echoes in Ink said...

Oh my... my only question is how you managed to fit so much food into one day. They must have been REALLY bored!
-Catey from RTF

Arianna said...

LOL! :)

Andreea via facebook said...

funny :)

Malia via Facebook said...

muwahaha!!!.. i no u will do fab!! if i was younger i would want u for my Aunt taking care of me!!!

Laura via Facebook said...

I'm glad that you survived... can't wait to hear what else you did beside feed them :)

Petey via Facebook said...

What really is funny is that I did that same thing with you, M and P years ago. We went to Chuck E. Cheese and your mother was incredulous. We also went to a place near your second house -the one after the hilly house- you three had a spaghetti eating contest. I think you tied with your brother. You all did a great job preparing me for my fabulous five!

I know all about waiting--for the right guy, for high school to end, for my boobs to come in (two out of three ain't bad).


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