Wednesday, September 2, 2009

The Wicked Witch of the West

It started out as a simple misunderstanding: my mailman thought I was the wicked witch of the west.

“These people haven’t lived in my house in 10 years,” I said dryly as I handed the same piece of mail back for the 400th time.

Apparently it pushed him over the edge.

After months of erratic mail delivery, re-delivery, and re-re-delivery, I realized we had a problem. The mailman was no longer delivering mail that wasn’t mine. In fact, he wasn’t delivering mail at all.

There were no ads. No wrongly addressed letters. No bills (hallelujah)!

But in what seemed like a miraculous answer to prayer during the recession turned into a nightmare for my credit score. Suddenly I was receiving phone calls from people who apparently… wanted my money. And apparently… I owed it to them.

I complained to the post office. I complained to the postman. I complained to the national hotline. Apparently there was a consensus: ignore the witch and she will go away.

It has been exactly 19 days since my last complaint. I started receiving mail again, much to my relief. But yesterday I realized, to my horror -- the mail delivery was selective.

In order to be delivered to my house, a piece of mail had to meet at least one of the following requirements:

1) be mailed before 1984
2) be labeled “contains anthrax”
3) clearly state “this letter is an advertisement for legal services”

Come to think of it, I might open one of those legal services ads. The only question is… can witches hire lawyers?

Because I need one.


Elaina M. Avalos said...

Well I hired one once, so you should be able to also. ;)

banderclip said...

haha! Well I hope you can get the mail things straightened out. I keep getting mail for my parents, siblings, and previous owners of our house. (we're renting from my parents)

Debra said...

LOL, I love your sense of humor. Speaking of witches, I was had a 3 year old ask me if I was a witch.

So I said, "Why no, sweetie. Who told you that I was a witch?" I'm trying to think of anyone I've pissed off recently.

She said, "No! Are you RICH?"

Unfortunately, my answer (no) was the same in both cases. ;)


Arianna said...

LOL. I'm sure that whole thing was seriously annoying, but at least it provides laughs for the rest of us, right? ;)
Over here in Romania, when you buy something they want you to give them the EXACT change. So awhile ago I bought something for 6 Lei, but payed with a 50. I think the cashier thought I was the wicked witch of the west! LOL. And don't ask me WHY they get so annoyed... just a thing over here you get used to! :)

BJ Hamrick said...

Elaina - LOL - you made me laugh.

Christy - Thanks!! I'm glad SOMEONE gets mail... even if it's not yours. ;)

Debra - You make me laugh so hard! You're a mess.

Arianna - I loved hearing about the exact change thing. That's bizarre! It's so funny to see what ticks some people off. :p

I know all about waiting--for the right guy, for high school to end, for my boobs to come in (two out of three ain't bad).

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