Monday, July 13, 2009

Question Marks

Have you ever gone through one of those "hurry up and wait" phases? You know... when you ask God for something and it seems like the answer just hangs between you and heaven like a taunting question mark?


^That's where I am right now. There are a lot of question marks. OK, there are 2 question marks. But they're really big question marks. (At least... big in my small world.)

One question mark has been there for 8 years. The other has been there for 8 months. In the meantime, my emotions have varied between twiddling my thumbs... to (I am embarrassed to admit) hurtling angry accusations heavenward.

God -- how long do You expect me to wait, anyway?

Tonight I came across something that spoke deeply to me when I faced the 11 year question mark of chronic illness. Once again, it filled my eyes with tears...


Desperately, helplessly, longingly I cried:
Quietly, patiently, lovingly God replied
I wept and I plead for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said,
"Child, you must wait."

"Wait? You say wait!" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers! I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have You not heard?
By faith, I have asked, and am claiming Your word.

My future and all to which I can relate
Hangs in the balance, and You tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a "Yes," a go-ahead sign,
Or even a "No" to which I can resign.

And Lord, You promised that if we believe
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
"I'm weary of asking! I need a reply!"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, "So I'm waiting... for what?"

He seemed then, to kneel
And His eyes wept with mine
And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens, and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead, and make mountains run.

All you seek, I could give, and pleased you would be.
You would have what you want -
But you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint;
You'd not know the power I give to the faint;

You'd not learn to see through the clouds of despair
You'd not learn to trust by knowing I'm there
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me;
When darkness and silence were all you could see.

You'd never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You'd know that I give and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late in the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have last.

You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that, "My grace is sufficient for thee."
Yes, your dreams My beloved one
Overnight would come true
But oh, the Loss! If I lost what I'm doing in you!

So be silent, My child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late
My most precious answer of all, is still "Wait".

-Author Unknown


banderclip said...

I love this poem! Thanks for sharing it.

BJ Hamrick said...

Me too, Christy! I'm glad you like it. :)

Alyssa said...

Oh how I despise the question mark, and now I know why: my life is filled with them. Thanks for you insight!

BJ Hamrick said...

I guess I'm learning we all have our question marks, Alyssa... thanks for letting me know I'm not alone.

Jess <>< said...

What an awesome perspective!

In the waiting times, that's when we are learning to trust and depend on him. And because our relationship with him is the most important, those times can be infinitely more precious than maybe the times when we receive directly what we ask for...


Well, I myself will now be happy to be "in waiting."

I'm reminded of the verse that says, "... we [also] glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."

I will rejoice in the waiting time for I know it is producing a valuable and glorious fruit and is cultivating a LASTING intimacy with the Father. The Most High.

- Jessica

Jess <>< said...

wow. that was more like a post than a comment.

sorry. =)

BJ Hamrick said...

I enjoyed your comment, Jessica. It's fun getting to know you through your blog and your comments.

P.S. - Another interesting thing I didn't get to post was that the word "waiting" in some Scriptures actually means "to be twisted together with". So while we're waiting, we're not just bored... God is actually bringing us closer to Him during that time. I love that!

I know all about waiting--for the right guy, for high school to end, for my boobs to come in (two out of three ain't bad).

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