Wednesday, June 10, 2009

Under-Sink Resort

Dear Mr. Scale,

You have more mood swings than a teenage girl. You're so... unpredictable. One day there's a 2 lb loss, the next a 5 lb gain.

Why won't you let me tell a lie? Not even a little white one? Are you incapable of this?

(Trust me, I have tried every conceivable way to alter your readings. Unfortunately, clipping my toenails only took off .3 ounces.)

That's why today -- I have made my decision. You can hang out underneath the sink with the skinny swimsuit models in the skinny magazines. That's right. You know that Walk Off 10 lbs. This Summer article in Good Housekeeping? Consider it my gift to you. Its photographs may be the only skinny person you will see this season.

Don't worry, Dear Friend. I am sure you will once again take your obsessive-compulsive place in front of my refrigerator door. But for this summer, enjoy your stay at the under-sink-resort. And bring me back a souvenir. Something a little better than a damp square of toilet paper.
Photo Source: Microsoft Clip Art


banderclip said...

lol! Thanks for the funny read...I've tried everything to make the scale show a smaller number. :)

BJ Hamrick said...

I'd love to know if you get it figured out... I'm so there!

Elaina M. Avalos said...

Funny! I totally gave up the scale though. It was too discouraging. I just go by how my clothes fit. LOL! I'm trying to lose weight. And since my clothes are getting looser, I'm totally good.

BJ Hamrick said...

I feel your pain, Elaina. You look great! My friend, Laura, has the same fit-by-clothes method. I love it.

Debbie said...

I'm on the BBC diet. It's so easy! Have you ever tried it? It's incredibly simple. You just follow one easy rule: Buy Bigger Clothes. It's what I do. ;)


BJ Hamrick said...

This works great for me Debbie! :D

I know all about waiting--for the right guy, for high school to end, for my boobs to come in (two out of three ain't bad).

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