Monday, April 13, 2009

5 Ways to Enjoy Monday

Have you ever noticed how people ask stupid questions? Questions like:

  • Is there a Santa Claus?
  • How much does a box of crackers cost at the dollar store?
    And my favorite – most recently asked by my friend, Amy --
  • How can I start enjoying Mondays?

Don’t get me wrong. Amy is not stupid. In fact, she’s quite bright. That’s why her question surprised me. I’d never heard the words “enjoy” and “Monday” in the same sentence.

In fact, the combination got me thinking. What if we could enjoy Mondays? After I finished laughing, I decided I would answer her question. Here are a few tips to help you enjoy your Monday:

1. Make a clean break. Write Monday a letter. Tell him how you really
feel. If you’re too emotionally disturbed, feel free to use the
following as a guideline:

Dear Monday – It is time to break up so I can go to bed and eat chocolate.

2. Denial. Pretend Monday does not exist. This works well, especially when your principal/boss calls to let you know you’re loved and missed. And will continue to be missed. Because you’re never coming back.

3. Anger. Be furious at Monday. Because everyone knows angry people have more fun. They never hold anything back. (Try being an opinion columnist on the Monday page. Trust me. Angry people make Mondays more fun.)

4. Self-absorption. Everyone loves a self-absorbed person. Tell everyone in your school or your workplace how devastated you are that the weekend is over. This will help you gain lifelong friends.

5. Read this column. Because it obviously makes your world a brighter place. (Why else would you send me such loving fan-mail? And just because you send me such loving fan-mail, I would like to send you – my readers, some fan-mail of your own:

Dear Reader,

  • Yes, there is a Santa Claus.
  • Yes, you can buy crackers at the dollar store for 50 cents.
  • Yes, you can enjoy your Monday.

Now isn’t it nice when a columnist tells her readers exactly what they
want to hear?

Have a wonderful Monday.

No comments:

I know all about waiting--for the right guy, for high school to end, for my boobs to come in (two out of three ain't bad).

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