Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Wednesday: Brought to You by Delusions in my Head

During this important political season, I recently decided to place a
petition on my blog. With the economy crashing, stocks plummeting, and presidential candidates bashing, I knew it was time to write about what was truly important: saving lives.

The idea came from deep inside of me. In fact, I heard voices.

"We want to live," the voices said. "We want you to save our lives."

Obviously, my tonsils were talking to me again.

We've had this conversation multiple times in the past 10 years. My tonsils make me sick, then beg for mercy when I mention the words, "Ear, Nose, Throat Doctor".

I tried the whole argumentative approach.

"But you're sick," I told them. "The doctor says you are the reason for all my problems."

"You think your tonsils are talking to you," they said. "You have more problems than can be caused by a dysfunctional immune system."

OK, so this is embarrassing – but I'm about to admit for the first time in print that I, a journalist, just made up some facts. (But this is the only time. Trust me.)

My tonsils have never talked to me. I said they did because I am a coward, and the word "surgery" comes from the Greek root "not for cowards or people who are scared of knives and pain and gaining weight from eating gallons of ice cream after their throats are sliced."

Trust me. That's the literal definition.

So I, after learning this literal definition, told the doctor I wanted a second opinion.

"Sure," he said. "I have no problems with professional second opinions."

I went home and consulted my professional tonsils.

Unfortunately, they haven't gotten back to me yet.

But I'm pretty sure they want to live.

You can vote on their behalf at

My tonsils thank you.

No comments:

I know all about waiting--for the right guy, for high school to end, for my boobs to come in (two out of three ain't bad).

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