Dear Mr. Scale,You have more mood swings than a teenage girl. You're so... unpredictable. One day there's a 2 lb loss, the next a 5 lb gain.
Why won't you let me tell a lie? Not even a little white one? Are you incapable of this?
(Trust me, I have tried every conceivable way to alter your readings. Unfortunately, clipping my toenails only took off .3 ounces.)
That's why today -- I have made my decision. You can hang out underneath the sink with the skinny swimsuit models in the skinny magazines. That's right. You know that Walk Off 10 lbs. This Summer article in Good Housekeeping? Consider it my gift to you. Its photographs may be the only skinny person you will see this season.
Don't worry, Dear Friend. I am sure you will once again take your obsessive-compulsive place in front of my refrigerator door. But for this summer, enjoy your stay at the under-sink-resort. And bring me back a souvenir. Something a little better than a damp square of toilet paper.
****
Photo Source: Microsoft Clip Art
