Wednesday, December 9, 2009

The Planet's Worst

I know it’s weird for a journalist, but I’m going to make an effort to tell the truth here: I am the planet’s slowest reader.

This is not on purpose. You’d think after 14 years of high school (that was a joke, mom) and four years of college, I’d have picked up on the simple ability to… well… skim something other than my milk.

This issue is as frustrating to me as it was to my first grade teacher. Nothing bothered her more than the fact that the assignment Run Spot, Run, took a decree from the pope for me to complete. (I wasn’t procrastinating – I was just dwelling on the deep profoundness of the words.)

I still remember the shock of the moment when, at the age of twelve, I realized my sister could finish a 400 page novel in the span of time it took me to finish one newspaper article.

BJ – we have a problem.

Over the years I’ve avoided the acknowledgment of my issue by blaming all of this on W.D. – Writers’ Disease. Yes, I tell myself – I linger over the words on a page only because I love them so much… no one else could possibly understand exactly what words mean to me.

Then last week happened. I couldn’t believe it when I heard that yes - someone understood after all. We don’t know who it is – but someone – an anonymous someone – returned a library book in Ohio after "borrowing" it for 60 years.

And I thought I was the only one who could add on an extra wing to the library with my overdue fees.

All I can say is, W.D. or no W.D. – I think I’d better start working through my reading issues. Because if 60 years from now the county realizes I still have its library book, there are only three words I’ll have to rely on: Run Spot, Run.

BJ Hamrick is a local writer who can be reached at,, or She'd love to hear from you -- unless you represent the public library.


Arianna said...

You always make me laugh :) Although I don't usually skim, I'm a fast reader. It'll take me an hour or two to read a full length novel, and my mom a few weeks to complete the same book. LOL.

Sarah said...

I am also a slow reader, but I love reading! It frustrates me though, because I have so many books I want to read and I have to keep renewing my library books!

Anonymous said...

One word sis: ABRIDGED.


BJ Hamrick said...

Arianna - Thanks girl! I'm so jealous of your abilities.

Sarah - That makes me feel so much better! I know the feeling about the library books though.

PH - You are brilliant. As always. :)

I know all about waiting--for the right guy, for high school to end, for my boobs to come in (two out of three ain't bad).

Bare Naked Blog
I'm just getting started sharing relevant ads on my site. Please click "connect" at the top of the page if you're interested in learning more.
Designed by Munchkin Land Designs • Copyright 2012 • All Rights Reserved