The Shoplifting Cure

Researchers have discovered that when Americans think of Christmas, they think of snow, carols, warm fires, hot cider, family, and shoplifting.

Yes – shoplifting. Apparently this season – especially in an economic recession – brings out the best in people.

I'm not going to lie. I can't judge the shoplifters. After all, I'm the one who silently obeyed a few years ago when my sister asked me to "hold onto" an item for her in the store. I held onto it through the store. I held onto it through the line. I held onto it through the parking lot. I held onto it through the ride home.

"B.J., what are you DOING?" my sister asked when we pulled up into the driveway. "We never paid for that."

Oops. I'm not sure what clued her in. Maybe it was the sirens and flashing lights that followed us into the driveway.

This made me wonder – what if something worse than blue lights and sirens happened to shoplifters? What if they actually had to pay for their holiday crimes? Then shoplifters, even accidental ones like me, would think twice before walking out the store with unpaid for products.

Here are some punishments I think would deter criminal behavior:

· Having to ring the bell outside Wal-Mart during
the holiday season. (This would wear me down faster than Chinese water
torture.)

· Having to tell the kids waiting in line to see
Santa that he's dead.

· Having to stand in the return line with the
stuff we accidentally stole the day after Christmas.

As you can see, I'm a firm believer in preventing holiday shoplifting.

Maybe if I make these suggestions to the police, they'll mark that accidental felony off my record.