Saturday, July 5, 2008

Thinking Writers

I've received a lot of writing advice over the past seven years of my career. Some from politicians ("make fun of political figures!"), some from humorists ("stop trying; you're not funny!"), and most recently from a stranger.

I was minding my own business when a lady who heard I was a journalist pulled me aside and asked about my column.

"What do you write?" she asked.

"Humor," I said.

"Oh. I was hoping you were a thinking writer."

I was shocked. A thinking writer? How dare this stranger say I wasn't thinking?

So I sat down to make a list of all the important, world-changing topics we have covered in this column over the past several years:

1. Kitchen safety -- I have probably saved dozens of lives through myexploding poop story. Readers everywhere now think twice before loading diapers with chocolate and putting them in their microwaves.
2. Illegitimate pregnancies – no one has done more to halt the tradition of graduation gowns. People everywhere have stopped accusing their college presidents of being pregnant, even though their ceremony gowns make them look like it.
3. Family interventions – I have single-handedly prevented family crises by instructing women to keep their pregnancy test cups somewhere other than the top shelf of their drinking-glass cabinets.

As you can tell, the past several years have kept me busy in the thinking department. Space does not permit me to share all of the life-changing advances that have been made in society due to my column.

In my heart, I know it doesn't really matter what strangers say about my column. I'd like to believe I'm changing the world – one laugh at a time.

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I know all about waiting--for the right guy, for high school to end, for my boobs to come in (two out of three ain't bad).


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